On the road again!!

Tessa is settling in well at the farm home and is making progress they have her on zoloft and an allergy med to help with her anxiety. We talk to her about once or twice a day depending, on her schedule and ours. We leave Thursday night and go to my cousins and get in around 11pm and go pick Tess up the following morning for the day untill 8 pm. Until the private insurance runs out it will be day visits only and we get to keep her till 8pm. And then we head back early on Sunday morning for here. We got a new truck as our van Bessie has let us know under no certain terms that her long haul days are done. I mean she has done great over the 7 years we've had her she got us to TN and back here!

I still have not talked to my Mom and won't be, this time it's not only for my sake but for my dd's. Chey it seems is having a hard time adjusting to the "new" Tessa I hate using that word but I don't know how else to describe it. Tessa told me Mom it's ok it's hard for her to understand all the hard work and changing I'm going through... That sentence right there tells me that we are doing the right thing. I've gotten alot of flack from my family over here. So the support I need isn't here except for my friend Pam who has been such a sweetheart! She comes out and takes care of my dogs while we are away. It does get lonely not having her here that much I will say it's weird just doing dinner for four or laundery even! This morning I have an appt to meet with people from lifeways to get her on the ohp, so then she can be treated after our private insurance runs out.

While the traveling is rough on Chey and Neeko they have been such troopers!!! Thank goodness for the laptop let me tell you!!! It's an over 5 hour trip up and back and they miss school on Friday and will continue to till the end of the school year but both teachers say they kids are doing great! So we just keep doing the homework and sending it back on Monday or Tuesday depending on how road weary they are on Sunday. They have their cousins that are staying with my Cousin Jeanne to play with Sug or Aiyana Rain and Noah Edward. They are so sweet and so polite! They are my cousin Barry's kids and unfortunatley he's going through some rough times and can't keep them right now. Him and his wife are getting a divorce and it's helped Grandma Jeanne's spirit immensly to have them.

There are days I feel like a complete failure as a Mom that my child is away from me that I couldn't fix what is wrong and that all the couseling I have taken her to didn't work. In my bio family she is the 4th generation to go to the farm home my Uncle told me he went there and really like it....I was shocked to say in the least. Out of all the places she could have gone! Other bio family members have said they do excellent work there. It makes my heart heavy though to not be able to have her here at home with me. She did ask to go to my sister grave site which we did and she just really cried and cried and cried we both did. We put a medicine bag and burned sweet grass for her and told her how much we loved her and missed her. I think it was good for the both of us it brought us closer if you will. It was so cool before we went there Tessa found a pink rose wich was Rosie's favorite color of roses and purple ballons floating in the sky on our way out!!!! Rosies two favorite colors how cool is that??? I believe in signs from the other side and sis you did a wonderful thing for that sweet little girl!!

So there you have it everything for the most part that has happened between the last post till now I hope you are all well and I'll check in later....